Pretend
by seductionandcandlelight
Summary: Because when you pretend, the world ceases to exist… and it becomes just you. You and your dreams. Everything you ever wanted is right in front you. And the rest… it just fades away. SeverusLily
1. Scene 1: Play

**Pretend**

_Severus Snape/Lily Evans_

**Scene 1: Play**

Her green eyes sparkled with laughter, taunting him, daring him to come closer. He shoved his hair out of his face and jumped on the platform, just as she turned and flew down the slide.

"Lily! You are such a cheater." Severus ran after her, breathing fast, but she gave up the chase and let him tag her. He smiled, and she returned it happily, flopping down on the grass. He lay beside her.

There were only a few clouds in the sky today. Lily traced them with her fingers, held high above her body. He couldn't help watching, mesmerized. She turned to him, her small face bright and excited in the summer sun.

"I know what we should do." Her eyes glinted mischievously, surveying the empty playground. He recognized that look. He loved it, and the ideas that succeeded it. Well, he loved all of Lily's ideas, and all of her expressions. At least 'till now.

"What?"

"Let's play pretend."

"Pretend?"

"Yes, silly. Imagination, you know? All those things you told me about the magical world. Let's imagine we're there. In … Diagon Alley. We're shopping for school together. We can make up stuff. Like maybe, I have to go buy robes, and you want to look at all that boring Potions stuff. And then, I'm going to go buy a wand. And you refuse to come in because you're sure I'll blow everything in shop to pieces, but I pout at you, and you hate it when I do that, so you come in for a while."

"Lily?"

"Mmm?"

"That's ridiculous."

She didn't even bother to look offended. Her eyes were glazed over, lost to the world as she sank into her dreams. He tried a different approach.

"I would never be allowed to go to Diagon Alley with you."

"Oh…" She didn't ask him why. She wasn't quite sure she wanted to know, "But that's okay! There, it's just another reason we should go now. In our imagination. Come on, Sev, it'll be fun."

He surrendered, as he always did, permitting her to drag him to the slide, where the "Apotasary" would be.

"Apothecary, Lily," he corrected exasperatedly.

She shot him a filthy look, as though he was the one pronouncing names wrong. He held up his hands in apology. Lily nodded and her face broke out into an overlarge grin as she brought over a water bottle and began setting up his Potions station.

_"Let's play pretend…"_

xxx


	2. Scene 2: To See You Smile

**Scene 2: To See You Smile**

"Play pretend…" Snape muttered derisively, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He had just dropped off a very exhilarated Lily Evans on her doorstep. She, for one, had been wholly satisfied with the day's events.

Turning to leave, he had heard a shy voice call out after him. When he went back to find out what the matter was, he had received a very quick peck on the cheek from the furiously blushing 10-year old girl. Said girl had giggled nervously and positively flown through her door in embarrassment, face set to match her flaming red hair.

Snape's grin widened at the memory as he turned the corner onto the road that was Spinner's End. Even the dark atmosphere couldn't put a damper on his sublime sense of security and happiness. He didn't understand her embarrassment at all; it was quite the best kiss he had ever received. Granted, he had recieved few... only the occasional kiss from his mother whenever his father wasn't around… but _still_...

He slipped silently between a pair of Muggles, and proceeded towards his house. She was so pretty today, when they had been playing in the so called "wand shop" that was really a sandbox with a bunch of sticks in it. It had been then and there that Snape had decided he would do anything for her.

Anything. Anytime. Anywhere.

He raised a hand to knock on his own door, making a solemn promise to himself. And to her.

_Lily Evans, I'll pretend forever if it makes you happy._


	3. Scene 3: Getting There

**Scene 3: Getting There**

They sat in their own compartment, away from that pack of messy Gryffindor boys. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. All Gryffindors, through and through. Especially James. What was his last name? Whoever he was, he couldn't be a pureblood. He was terrible. None of them surprised Severus one bit. Except for maybe Sirius. Perhaps he had thought a bit more of that one, if only for his family name.

He had heard tell of the ancient Black family, as renowned as the Malfoys among wizards. All their pride and honor and pure, pure blood. This boy, however… 'Sirius' had been a problem since the very beginning, his mother had said. No one had high hopes for him, though the entire family focused much of their efforts on quashing all his hateful Gryffindor ideas out of his being. Severus almost laughed. It was foolish, to attempt such things. It was already apparent to Snape what the boy would become. Nothing. No one. All four of them were headed nowhere fast, and he was loathe to believe that was ever going to change.

Lily sighed. The soft sound shook him from his thoughts, and he focused instead on her. She stared out the window. Wistful, reminiscent. He knew she was thinking of her sister. Petunia. The despicable little Muggle girl who always got in the way. Perhaps Lily was finally giving up on her. He thought maybe she might. Petunia never did anything but push her away, and into Severus' arms. He moved to sit beside Lily. He touched her shoulder, letting his hand run over her silken red hair. She stayed still. Not shying away, not responding. Her put an arm around her and took a deep breath. He had to be strong. For her.

All his own fears, all his worries, should come to naught in the face of her problems. But they didn't. He couldn't bury his fears or his worries. So he simply pushed them away, and put on a brave face for her.

"It's going to be okay."

She finally lifted her face to look into his. Like emeralds, her eyes glittered in her porcelain complexion. Seeking reassurance. Seeking kindness and love. He could offer her none. But he _could_ pretend.

"How do you know that, Sev?"

"Because I know you. Lily, you were never nervous before, and you have no reason to be now… you, of all people, have no reason to worry. You're pretty and you're smart. You're strong and you're brave. Plus, I've never met anyone who is so ridiculously nice, either. It's almost sickening, how kind you can be." He pulled a face, "You are an excellent student, so you will surpass all expectations in that field. Overwhelm all your teachers, vanquish the competition. Enchant them all with just a smile. You can bat your eyelashes and toss your hair, that'll pave your way into any club, open doors to even sports like Quidditch. Mainly because they are all run by silly Gryffindor boys with lots of looks and no brains… no, sorry, you're right — that's completely irrelevant. Truly, though, there's no reason to be frightened in the least, because you will always be the last person they want to leave behind."

Snape sucked in a long breath, wheezing slightly.

Lily's eyes had widened to twice their normal size.

"You have a very big vocabulary for an eleven year old boy." She responded dully. Her eyes got even bigger when she heard what she said and she ducked her head self-consciously. She blinked rapidly and looked at him again. The beginnings of a smile on her face, she said quietly, "Thank you."

He did smile. Being there with her, it was hard not to.

Severus was not quite happy. He was certainly not sure of anything.

But he could be as she wanted him to be. He would do as she had taught him.

For now, at least, he would pretend.


	4. Scene 4: Need

**Scene 4: Need**

The Great Hall was more impressive than Snape had ever imagined. The candles suspended magically along the walls gave off a warm glow that was welcoming each of them, yet remained unfamiliar to a boy who had grown up in a world of darkness. Lily stood close to him, shivering still from their boat ride. He caught sight of James' messy black hair and bristled uncomfortably. Everyone but him seemed to know what they were doing, where they were going. He recalled Sirius asking James where he wanted to go, and James, brimming with confidence, had obviously stated that Gryffindor was his true home. Home of the brave… Severus knew where he wanted to go, too, of course. But he was not half as sure as any of those boys that he would even end up_ in_ a house, let alone the prestigious home of Slytherin. Maybe they would decide he was too small, too stringy, to belong anywhere at Hogwarts, and send him straight home. He glanced up at Professor McGonagall, tall and stern, who seemed to be the one running the Sorting.

"Black, Sirius." The witch pronounced in a brisk voice, commanding everyone's attention. Snape watched the boy take his place on the stool, cocky grin in place as the hat slipped right down his perfectly straight nose. It was quite a bit of time before the hat announced "GRYFFINDOR!"

The first-years waited almost patiently as more students were sorted, but Severus' breath caught in his throat when a crisp voice called "Evans, Lily," to the stand.

His pupils dilated and his hands nearly shook with anxiety. She had to be in Slytherin. She had to be. He could not live without her by his side, knowing she was there in the castle and not with him. He simply couldn't. He listened hard.

The hat rested on her head for the barest of moments before shouting "GRYFFINDOR!" once again.

Severus closed his eyes. His lip trembled, and his knees wobbled a bit under his new school robes. He opened them again to gaze at Lily as she walked uncertainly toward the red and gold draped table. His groan was barely audible.

She turned to him with that same searching look from the train as she looked past the bodies of so many students, seeking reassurance in his far away eyes.

_Am I okay? Are you?_

He gave the tiniest of nods and a painful little smile.

_Yes, Lily. Everything is how it is supposed to be._

She smiled back at him, relief and sorrow mixing prettily upon her rosy lips.

The rest of the ceremony was a hazy dream around him. It was the first step in losing her, he knew. She was slipping away, right through his fingers. As he took his place beside the pretentious, ridiculously blond Lucius Malfoy, making all his greetings and fitting right into the conversation, he snuck another glance at her. She shone. Happily making conversation with another first year, some girl named Alice, and studiously ignoring the four boys from the train. That gave Severus an inkling of satisfaction, but he brushed those thoughts away quickly, returning to conversation with Avery, another fascinating youth he had just met.

How much had he had wanted to tell her that it was not okay? How much had he wanted to tell her that he needed her and she had to stay? But he couldn't. He was not one of the brave. He was a Slytherin, far away from her.

_No, Lily. It's not okay. Nothing is okay without you. I need you._

He would never say it. He couldn't.

So instead, he would pretend.


	5. Scene 5: Fallen Angel

**Scene 5: ****Fallen Angel**

"How are things at home?" A thirteen year old Lily Evans walked the dark street of Spinner's End, hand in hand with her best friend, Severus Snape.

"Worse. He hasn't stopped since that trip. And she never does anything. Nothing, Lily! I don't understand why she puts up with it. It's not like he's worth it. And it's certainly not love." Snape's growl was fierce and frustrated, but she touched his shoulder, and slowly, he simmered down.

"Maybe it is," Lily reasoned softly. "Maybe she does love him. Love is blind."

"And deaf? Invincible, unfeeling? I don't think so. They two, both… they are terrible together. I simply cannot comprehend what could possibly have brought two such different people together."

Lily was silent, letting him carry on.

"And there's no one there," his voice was quieter, smoother now, and he curled into himself, hunching his back in his coat that was too big for him. "There's no one at home with me like you are at Hogwarts, or even when we're together outside of school." He hadn't meant to make it into this. It just slipped out. It needed to be said, had been bottled up too long. Severus turned to face her.

"When I'm with you, it's okay…"

Lily smiled tentatively, color rising in her cheeks in a lovely pink flush. She was so out of place in this bleak, cold environment. Silhouetted against the black house he had grown up in, she shone, like a lost ray of sunlight. A fallen angel, wandering lost. She did not belong here. She did not fit with him. Vibrant and whole, her bright soul had no place in his world of darkness. Lily Evans would never walk these dusky roads with him in reality. They would not look well at all, hand in hand in harsh light of day. So these summer nights with her… they were his dreams. A beautiful illusion.

They walked on, innocent blush still in full bloom in her cheeks, her hand hot in his. She was silent. Snape opened his mouth to say something more, but shut it again with a sigh. Lily noticed, turning to him. He shook his head and looked away.

_He was so tired of pretending._


End file.
